She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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