here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
cat food counts as protein by the way
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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