I don't remember. Are we still dating?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
