Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
