you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
