I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize