i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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