dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
