we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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