Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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