margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
