My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I need to stop coming to work sober
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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