I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
