His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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