I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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