Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
