I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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