I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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