my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I deserve this hangover.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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