3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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