textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
