I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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