do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
