I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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