I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
God, I missed his penis.
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