I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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