awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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