and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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