There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
