Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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