She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize