So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
