She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
