fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
