if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize