i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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