The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
