is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and she was petting her beer can
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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