at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
