Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
