He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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