I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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