my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
