Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
