I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
