Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
