Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
