i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
