so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
