Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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