Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
