just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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