i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
