This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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