New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
