i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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