I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
