let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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