I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
