i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
