I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
