all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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