The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
