I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
