i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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