One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
