those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize