i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
