So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
