I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
