I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
