My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize