She is in my trunk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need to sanitize my soul.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
