a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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