conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My cat gives me a boner
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want her autograph on my taint
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize