i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
