you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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