Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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