This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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