we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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