by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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