Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
