and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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