Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
