There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Boobs speak an international language.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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