My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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