I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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