she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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