just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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