My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
