I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
