there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
