Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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