I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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