is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
