I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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