Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
