I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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